A creature of habit?

My wife says that I’m a slave to my habits, but you know how wives exaggerate these things.

A little while ago she pointed out that on each day of the week I go to the same place to eat lunch, and that, no matter what, I have a TV dinner on Monday, Chinese on Tuesday, Ranchito on Wednesday, Subway on Thursday and the IGA deli on Friday. And, she proclaimed, “you always eat the same things!”

Well, maybe so, but you’re overlooking some important details,” I sputtered.

“Like what?”

“Well, that I’ve been known to vary my TV dinners on Mondays, not always eating the same kinds, and I do that a lot, maybe as much as three times a year.

“OK,” she said as she rolled her eyes. “What else?”

“Well, that I recently went to the IGA and got three hot wings, a chicken drumstick and a thigh, and a small scoop of four bean salad.

Undaunted by my strong rebuttal of her faulty position, my wife shot back, “And how many times have you ordered three hot wings instead of two?”

This was a low blow, but I stood my ground. “Well, only once, but that opens the door to who knows how many times I might make this major variation.”

My wife sniffed, and again asked, “What else?”

I knew she would be difficult about all this, so I had saved the best for last.

“Actually, your recital of my supposed habits is all wrong. The proprietors of the Chinese restaurant are gone for a month and so I haven’t eaten Chinese at all recently, but instead have changed EVERYTHING ELSE. I now go to Ranchito on Tuesday, not Wednesday, and I’ve been going to Subway on Wednesday and the IGA deli on Thursday.

“But you’re still ordering the same things at these restaurants?” “Well, yes,” I responded, “except for the major variation I’ve just recited to you.”

“Oh,” she sneered, “eating three hot wings instead of two.” “Once.”

“Exactly,” said I, thinking that her repetition of my impressive demonstration of flexibility significantly strengthened my case.

But, surprisingly undaunted, my wife asked: “Well, what and where are you eating on Fridays now?”

I knew she’d throw this trick question at me, and was hoping to avoid it. “That has yet to be determined,” I muttered. “I haven’t settled on one thing yet.”

“What are the leading candidates?” rejoined Celia. This was a tough question because for the past three Fridays I’d just been grabbing bites of one thing or another here and there. Truth is, I was caught.

“Well, uh, there aren’t exactly leading candidates. I haven’t figured that out yet. It’s a bit of a stumper.”

And then you know what she did? She put her hand up to her mouth, laughed loudly into it, and then in a grand gesture, swung her arm above her head and declared triumphantly: “I rest my case.” She then marched out of the room, declaring again: “You’re a slave to your habits! And when the Chinese restaurant re-opens, you’ll go right back to all your old arrangements.”

I hesitated, because she was exactly right. But then I yelled, “Hey, come back here, I have more to tell you.’’ But she was out of the room and down the hall. So I never had a chance to tell her that not two months before, at the Chinese restaurant, I’d ordered a completely different appetizer – spring rolls instead of egg rolls. Of course, I didn’t like the spring rolls that much, and so went back to the egg rolls, but the key thing was how it showed my remarkable openness to new experiences.

P. S. My wife wanted me to tell my readers that there was some artistic license taken in this little spoof.

John Davis was raised in Worland, graduating from W. H. S. in 1961. John began practicing law here in 1973 and is mostly retired. He is the author of several books.