Karla's Kolumn Country living: Along came a spider

So I love fall. I love fall temperatures. I love fall sports. I love fall colors.

The one thing I hate about fall is spiders. OK, so I hate spiders in any season, but fall it seems like the spiders, which for the most part were fine being outside in the spring and summer and are now like “Oh, no, it’s getting cold, let us in.”

As I’ve written before I don’t like spiders and my husband is not a big help as he sees them as beneficial. He prefers the catch and release. Releasing them only gives them the chance to come back in the house. I don’t give them that chance.

Living in the country I have gotten better at my near full-fledge arachnophobia (no clinical diagnosis but rest assured I do not like them).

A few weeks ago I walk out of my house and I see a large black spider with an all red back, different than the black widow I found several years ago and much larger.

I assessed the situation and realized I could not kick that high to squish it with my foot. There was nothing handy to squish it with. Wait, wasp killer. It’s not a wasp but it might do the trick and it was right inside the door.

I get the wasp-killer spray can, the brand with the nice sharp stream. I spray it, it falls. It is still moving albeit stunned and probably gasping for air until, since it was on the ground, it is squished under my shoe.

Mission accomplished I was able to continue on with the chore I initially came outside for, having grown wiser that wasp killer will stun a large spider but not kill it.

I was feeling like maybe I was starting to get a handle on this whole spider thing. After all there was one of the tiny spiders that was on my lap one night and I did not freak out when I tried to kill it and it disappeared.

Don’t get me wrong I may not totally freak out when I see a spider but I believe the only good spider is a dead one.

But, I digress, I was feeling like I had taken a step forward and whenever you feel that way, life tends to bring you down a peg.

I come home last Wednesday and hit the garage door button. As the door opens I see something hanging from the door about halfway between the top of the garage opening and the ground.

It is at least quarter-size, maybe even half-dollar size. I have the car parked as I stare and realize, as I see the web it is hanging from that it is a large spider.

Well, now what. If I drive forward he may crawl up the door over the ceiling and drop onto my head as I get out of the car, or later find his way into my car or sneak into the house. Or rather he may end up on the windshield and be staring at me.

Nope. That is not an option.

I could close the door and hope it squishes him. But wait, he starts to climb then stops. OK closing the door is not an option as he could sneak in the garage and later the house only to terrorize me later.

Option 2 is a no go.

Option 3. I know what has to be done but I do not want to do it. I pick up my cell phone and call my husband who is in the house, probably wondering what is taking me so long.

I tell him the situation and ask if he could come deal with Mr. Very Large Spider. “Just a minute,” is his reply.

No, not a minute, now. The car is running. I am waiting in the car – ready for a quick getaway if needed.

Alan and three dogs come out. I exit the vehicle and greet the dogs but stay by the vehicle.

Alan examines the spider and I am thinking no just kill it. I had thought about ways to kill it. I have killed smaller spiders hanging on webs, a book or paper that can be opened on either side and shut, killing the spider in the middle works wonders. No options for this spider.

After his examination he gets a broom and I think don’t swat it you don’t know where it is going to go.

I back away a little.

He touches the spider with the handle and the spider grabs on. I am thinking to myself, he is going to let it go and I am not going to be happy.

I think he knew better. Once it was on the ground the dogs, especially curious Roscoe wanted to check it out. Not know if it was poisonous we kept them away and finally Alan squished it.

Crisis over. I got in my car and safely parked in the garage.

I know realize I may take a few steps forward in my fear of spiders but alas the fear is there and is not going away any time soon.

The war continues but alas I have won the last two battles, even if I did have to call in SWAT for this last one.