Set boundaries for your mental health during holidays

The holidays are just around the corner and with that it usually brings cheer, family time, laughter, sharing with others, and making special memories with those you love. However, grief can change all of that.

I so wish you could press pause on grief during the holiday season, but unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Grief is complicated and unique for everyone. While accepting loss becomes easier over time, it is often something we carry with us forever. Author Vicki Harrison quotes, “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”

So how does one learn how to swim through the grieving process? There are things you can do to help alleviate some of the grieving during the holiday season. If you are experiencing grief this holiday season, here are some helpful tips to help get through this painful period of time.

Set boundaries with holiday events. Give yourself permission to participate and not participate in whatever feels right for you. While there may be pressure to attend a holiday gathering remember to check in with yourself and your wants and needs at the time. It’s OK to set limits. It may be helpful to commit to something that sounds fun while reminding yourself that you don’t have to stay the entire time. And remember, it is also okay to opt-out of certain things altogether. Find your balance between engaging and not pushing yourself is important when you’re healing.

Be sure to tune into your grief emotions. Grief does not take a back seat during the holidays and can often be magnified. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and not avoid them. You may experience conflicted feelings during the holidays while grieving and that is OK. For example, you can miss the person you’re grieving and still enjoy the holiday. And, if you are tempted to numb yourself with drugs or alcohol during the holidays, make sure you have a positive support system in place so that you don’t go down that path. Anticipate the difficult emotions and preparing ahead of time will help prevent negative consequences from occurring.

Make sure you plan ahead to fill the empty holiday roles. Loss often means that certain roles will need to be filled. It is important to think ahead, especially with children, to consider who will fill those vacated roles. Planning ahead can avoid unnecessary moments of grief. Honor old traditions and still create new traditions and memories. Sometimes it can be helpful to continue with old traditions that existed to honor and celebrate the individuals who are no longer here and keep their memory present. Creating new traditions can also be very healing for individuals who are grieving. Making new memories does not erase old memories. Always remember, your loved one(s) will want you to enjoy the holidays.

Identify coping skills to help you with grief. Consider creating a list of go-to coping skills to use whether you are at home or at a social function. They will be handy when the grief hits you unexpectedly. Some examples of coping skills are deep breathing, taking a walk, journaling, listening to music, practicing yoga, and saying positive affirmations.

And lastly, be sure to ask for help. Seek support from friends, family, coworkers, a pastor, and professionals if needed. Whether you have lost someone close to you or not, the holidays can bring up many complicated feelings. It’s completely normal and can be helpful to seek services to help you cope.

The holiday season is not always as merry as we want it to be. It is normal to feel unsure about it. You are not alone in feeling that way. Remember there is no right or wrong way to approach the holiday season following the loss of a loved one. If you experience happiness, allow it to enter into your grief and be present with the people that you surround yourself with. Just remember to be kind to yourself and try to take in the new memories you are building. Don’t miss out on the new.