Social media and internet increasingly a danger to kids

Speaking to a small audience composed almost entirely of grey-haired elders, author and anti-human trafficking advocate John DiGirolamo presented crucial information that he said all parents of teenage and even younger children should know.

At the Worland Community Center on Monday, July 1, DiGirolamo described in detail the many devious means by which online predators target kids, and the ways that even young children may scheme — successfully — to circumvent parental restrictions on their internet use. He also showed that even teens, whose parents firmly believe they are sensible and well-informed about keeping safe online, can “make mistakes,” and quickly find themselves in dangerous situations.

DiGirolamo’s presentation was wide-ranging, and covered such topics as the reality that social media dominates children’s lives; the modus operandi of online predators; the signs parents can look for in their kids that may indicate “grooming” and manipulation by such predators; the destructive influence of online pornography on children’s minds; the “normalizing” in teens’ minds of “sexting” (sending explicit pictures to online “friends” who are often actually strangers); the story of a police officer who caught a dangerous online predator; and some practical ways that parents can try to keep their kids safe.

SOCIAL MEDIA AND “SEXTING”

DiGirolamo pointed out that for kids in America today, the internet, social media, smart phones and other developments of the past few decades have literally always been a part of life. For perspective, he said, “Consider that 15-year-olds today were born in the year 2009.” DiGirolamo cited data showing that the average child age 8-12 is online six hours per day and the average youth age 13-18 is online nine hours per day. He said that by the time they graduate high school, more than 90% of teens have sent or received explicit images. “Sexting is the No. 1 way by which teens put themselves at risk,” DiGirolamo said.

DiGirolamo said that the widespread prevalence of online pornography has led many young people to believe that behavior such as sexting is safe and normal. “Society,” the media and internet companies also seem to give their approval, so teens may somehow “normalize” it in their minds. Peer pressure also plays a role. Shockingly, DiGirolamo said, some parents even seem to think it’s fine. His presentation showed an article on a parent-focused website titled “My kids are definitely going to sext, and that’s OK.” Another article, published in ‘Seventeen,’ a popular magazine oriented to teenage girls, described how they could send explicit images “safely.” DiGirolamo stated that sexting is never “safe” or “OK.”

In addition to making sexting seem normal, viewing pornography online has other terrible consequences for young people and their minds, DiGirolamo explained. These include warping their experience of relationships, fueling a culture of casual sex, normalizing deviant sexual behavior, degrading women, and numerous other harmful effects. DiGirolamo’s presentation showed a video clip of pop star Billie Eilish, a woman in her early 20s. Eilish spoke of being exposed to online pornography from the age of 11. “I think it really destroyed my brain, and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn,” Eilish stated in the clip.

SEXTORTION

Along with the strong possibility that sexting images sent by teens will be shared or posted online without their consent, DiGirolamo said that predators often use such images to prey on teens through “sextortion”– extorting them in order to acquire increasingly more explicit images, to obtain money, to meet for sex, or some combination of these. Young males are most often extorted to obtain money, DiGirolamo said.

DiGirolamo stated that young people today may in some ways regard online “friends” as real friends. In addition, he said many kids consider having thousands of online “friends” and followers to be a goal, rather than a problem. “I’ve been told by several police officers that some teenage girls can have 5,000 friends and followers,” he stated. “I guarantee, if a teenager has 5,000 online friends, there are definitely some predators in there.”

FAKE PROFILES

DiGirolamo said that online predators typically set up fake profiles on various social media sites, especially Snapchat, Tik-Tok and Instagram. The predators usually portray themselves as teens and may send out hundreds of “friend” and “follow” requests to unsuspecting young people. Predators “groom” children by interacting with them, at first in an apparently friendly way, before trying to manipulate and control them, DiGirolamo said. He stated that predators may also customize their profiles to reflect the interests of a particular targeted teen. DiGirolamo’s presentation included a video clip of a teenage girl stating that she nearly always accepts these random social media requests, without thinking much about it. Both female and male young people are targeted by predators, Di Girolamo said. He also described the ways that predators may target children through the use of online games, such as Minecraft, Roblox and Fortnite.

HIDING ONLINE

ACTIVITIES

DiGirolamo also spoke of some tactics that children and teens may use to hide their online activities from parents. For example, among other “vault” apps with secret, password-protected capabilities, he described a “calculator” mobile phone app that looks like a calculator and even functions as one — but also includes a folder for hiding images. DiGirolamo also showed the ways that internet companies actually provide resources to young people for hiding online activities. “Just Google ‘how to hide stuff from strict parents,’” DiGirolamo said.

DiGirolamo said that parents should be vigilant for signs their children could potentially be in a grooming relationship with a predator. These signs may include the child receiving unexplained gifts; increased secrecy, especially about online friends, or about new boyfriends or girlfriends; secrecy about their whereabouts; sudden changes in behavior or attitude; sudden weight loss or weight gain; and other such signs.

HOW TO PROTECT

DiGirolamo also described several practical ways that parents can try to protect their kids from online predators. These include limiting the number of children’s social media “friends” and followers to 200, with the stipulation that the child actually knows the person; keeping a close eye on what kids are doing online, especially on their phones; and installing parental control apps on children’s phones and computers. DiGirolamo spoke in particular of an app called Bark but said there are several other good ones.

DiGirolamo provided a handout that listed some useful links for concerned parents. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (missingkids.org/netsmartz) offers many free resources. Defend Young Minds (defendyoungminds.com) has resources to help parents whose kids have seen online pornography. DiGirolamo also offers through his own website (itisnotabout.com) an updated edition of his 51-page booklet, “It’s Not About the Predator.”

After DiGirolamo’s presentation, several members of the audience remarked about the striking paucity of younger parents in attendance. Only one such parent seemed to be present. “Why isn’t this room filled with the parents of teenagers and young children?” one woman asked. No one could answer her question.